Coping with Grief
Understanding grief and learning gentle skills to navigate the journey of loss.
Grief is Not Linear
Unlike the popular "Five Stages of Grief" model, modern grief theories recognize that grief is a messy, individual process. It can feel like waves—sometimes calm, sometimes overwhelming. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
This model suggests that healthy grieving involves oscillating between two types of stressors: Loss-Oriented and Restoration-Oriented. It's not about "getting over" grief, but learning to carry it. Some days you'll focus on the loss (crying, remembering), and other days you'll focus on rebuilding your life (new routines, new roles). Both are necessary.
Example:
Loss-Oriented: Looking through old photos and allowing yourself to feel the sadness. Restoration-Oriented: Learning to manage finances, which your partner used to handle. It's healthy to move between these two states.
Visualize: The Dual Process Model
Healthy grieving involves oscillating (moving back and forth) between these two states.
Loss-Oriented
- Grief work (crying, reminiscing)
- Processing the pain
- Yearning for the person
- Looking at old photos
Restoration-Oriented
- Attending to life changes
- Doing new things
- New roles & identities
- Building new relationships
Oscillation
Confronting Loss ↔ Avoiding Restoration
Confronting Restoration ↔ Avoiding Loss
It's normal and necessary to take a break from the pain of grief to focus on the practicalities of life, and vice versa.